Parenting SUCKS!

Okay so I must admit, I dropped the ball today. I decided this morning that I was going to have some bathroom time by myself; Free from little people tugging on me and watching me use the "potty" all while asking me over and over again at the top of their lungs, "What ya doing?"

It was a horrible idea and I've paid dearly for it. No sooner than I closed the bathroom door and left them in the living room to play, my dear Addi took her diaper off and pooped in the middle of my living room floor. 

I am upset. Unjustly I am upset with her. Rightfully so, I am upset with myself. I'm upset that children don't come automatically potty-trained like cats with the litter box. This is my fault. 

Don't get me wrong I absolutely enjoy being Mommy. There's not a moment I ever wish I could go back to not having children. They are my constant reminders of God's love for me and I have the most fun with them. Simply put, I was MADE to be a mommy. Outside of being a believer of God and a submitting wife, absolutely nothing brings me as much fulfillment as being their mom.  However, there are times where I wish I could just pause the tough moments and revisit them another day. I wish I could revisit my old life just so I could appreciate it a little more.

 I wish I could remember what it feels like to have a deep sleep without hearing a toddler reposition 3 rooms away. I wish I had appreciated having a constantly tidy home. I wish I could listen to ridiculous music without having to consider the lyrical content. Its the little things that we take for granted and that I miss so much. But that is not my season anymore. There will come a time where my children won't need so much from me and you know what? I'm going to miss it. As much as this time sucks sometimes...I'm going to miss it. 

There will come a time where I'm going to take off the diapers put them in panties and never revisit diapers again. I will sing "The Silly Song" one day for the last time and I won't know its the last time. I'm going to put my babies down and never pick them back up again and I won't know it was the last time.

These are seasons. They are short. Fleeting. Beautiful. Painful. 

They must be cherished. Even when they literally stink.

  As I scrubbed her little body, her hair, and my living room carpet, not only did I say some unmentionable words, I heard over and over in my head that "children are an inheritance from the LORD." I will cling to that. 

I will hold to that. And I will hold to pettiness. So when I'm old and out of it I hope for a brief moment of clarity. I hope I will remember this moment and repeat it just for her lol.

Here's looking at you Kiddo ;)