"I Can't Wanna Get My Hair Washed Mommy!"

I think it's funny when children are learning the English language. There is nothing cuter to me than when the girls mix up where to put certain words. Oh, I love it. Right now Rose is learning how to communicate, but she's also fighting for autonomy. She "can't wanna" is her new thing. "I can't wanna get my hair washed mommy!" " I can't wanna go to bed." "I can't wanna stay with Granny!" And because I'm petty I coax her into using this phrase a lot. I'll tell her I'm gonna wash her hair knowing that she's going to say, "I can't wanna get my hair washed mommy!" I just like her little voice. 

I know there are some people from the "old school" who think you need to correct a kid every time they make a mistake, but I don't. She isn't cursing. She isn't falling all over the place when she says it. She's being 3. At some point, she's naturally going to stop saying this and admittedly I'm going to be sad. I wish they could stay this small forever. 3 is the best age so far.

BEDA Day 4

Mad as a Hatter...

What can I say? When you fail to plan you plan to fail and I did just that a few weeks ago. So the initial plan was for my Dad and younger brother to walk Ryian around the mall while my mom and I took the girls to take pictures and enjoy a tea party with the Mad Hatter and Alice, but on the day of the event my brother decided not to attend and my Dad decided to pick my nephew up in the middle of our scheduled affairs. Disaster soon ensued.  I don't think folks really understand that when it's a public event and the twins are attending it is an "all hands on deck" venture.  Do NOT PULL OUT ON ME! They are horrible!!!! 

And I'm not just being dramatic. Addi is ok except that she lives in a perpetual game of tag. She has no idea that everything is seriously not a game lol.  Ryian, well she's just being an 8 month old. She's bubbly until it's time to eat and by eat I mean nurse and by nurse I mean she doesn't DO being covered up. She's flipping upside down, she's pulling the cover to the side, she's using one hand to pull the cover down and her legs and feet to kick the cover up. It's truly an acrobatic experience lol. 

But even with all of that my oldest child and my youngest child don't compare at all to the huge personality of Miss Rose. Sometimes I shake my head in disbelief at how much she's a firecracker just like my granny, her namesake. She doesn't want to take pictures. She "can't wanna" stand next to mommy. She must hold her Granny's hand. She doesn't care about the tea party because she wants to know when we're going to the play area. And oh no, when she saw the makeup of the Mad Hatter....let's just say she had an "Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no!" moment. lol. 

I had no intentions of being in any of these pictures at this event, but the secret pinches I had to give Rose required my presence. lol. I hope she looks back on these pictures when she's a teenager and I hope she's embarrassed. Oh boy. The life I chose.

BEDA Day 3

Dear Heart....

How to feed a young family of 4 with $40....soup, soup, and more soup!!!!! I thank God for my Mom. Once you know the base of soup you can feed a whole army for about $6. I'm exaggerating, but you get me. She taught me how to make soup and she's taught me how to make a dollar work a few different ways. Now that I am a wife and a mother I think a lot about my own childhood. I never knew when money was tight in our house. That's just the way my mom works. We'd eat a roasted turkey one night, she'd turn it to turkey, rice, and gravy the next night, we'd eat turkey sandwiches, and then she'd scrape the whole turkey from the bone and make a bunch of soup. I just thought she liked turkey lol. She's taught me so much without appearing to do so.

On an unrelated note, but still kinda related...I recently lost one of closest friends. My cell phone has blacked out and no matter what I do I can't get it to turn back on. All of my messages and videos between me and my friend are in that phone. I've been relying on her to read me messages from her phone between her and him and that's been getting me through this time. I've been using her as a crutch. I haven't truly accepted that my friend is gone. I pretend like he's just travelling and isn't able to answer the phone. The other night I dreamt of my friend sitting at the foot of my bed. And we talked and laughed and picked just like we always have. After what seemed like a ridiculously long conversation I said to him our usual "don't crawl off somewhere. I love you" and like normal he responded, "I won't. I love you too" and then he disappeared and I woke up. I was crushed. I wanted to look at my phone. It felt so real. I wanted to tell him about my latest weird experience so he could make fun of me and carry on. I called my mom because I was desperate. I needed to hear some words from my friend, but she wasn't able to help me. Like I said I've been using her as a crutch, but when she couldn't help me I was crushed. I cried and cried and cried like I've never cried before. And then I was angry. I was angry that she wouldn't help me. And then I realized she was teaching me...whether she meant to or not...that I had to lean on myself. I have to say goodbye to my friend. As much as I believe in "see you laters" I have to let him go. I can't pretend that he's still here. I can't live in "text message world." I have to deal with reality. And I have to FEEL the grief. And I have to process it and then I have to move on, but the major point to this extremely long rant is that my Mom has taught me how to channel my energy in a better way. I'm not gonna sit around and cry everyday. I'm going to look into programs that raise money for cancer research and I'm going to actively and aggressively participate in them. THAT'S how I'm going to honor him. Cuz sitting around crying isn't anything close to how this beautiful soul lived his life....end of rant.

BEDA...Blog Everyday In April

I've been inspired to try my hand at blogging everyday in the month of April. An attempt at exercising my creativity. I probably should mention that I'm not the most creative person at all. In fact, I'm what you would call creatively lacking. Seriously, I remember those years in grade school where backboards and presentations were required and almost every year I submitted something that looked like I came up with it 5 minutes before class started. I don't DO arts and crafts. I just don't have that section in my brain. If it's there it's about the size of the Grinch's heart pre-holiday cheer. You could miss it. 

In late-night conversation with my husband I mentioned how I have a knack for leaving things unfinished. It's my hallmark. This includes housework. I have this thing for beginning housework and then meaning to get back to it...somehow the time passes for so long it looks like I never began in the first place. 

Anywho, I'm rambling. This is my attempt at challenging myself to get out into the world...which by world I mean my neighborhood, but whatever...going out into the world and making something of my day and then reporting back to the blog my findings. Maybe you'll like it. Maybe I'll actually finish this. There's only one way to find out....BEDA Day 1 out!

Pain vs. Suffering

CHOOSE to get out of bed, get showered, get dressed; fight to feel human. LET someone hug you really tight; fight through that wall you put up. Fight through the initial pain of being touched because physical touch is healing. GO outside and stand in the sun. FORCE yourself to realign your thoughts. I can't change that I have depression and that it's painful. I can't change that. But I REFUSE to suffer. I refuse to let it have me.

Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go Right Now!

Rosie had her first "I gotta pee right now" emergency. This whole potty trained thing is hilarious to me. I hate public restrooms...scratch that...I LOATHE them ENTIRELY, so I told Corey to pull over in a parking lot and let her pee outside. You may say I'm being disgusting and a tad dramatic, but I hate the confines of a nasty restroom THAT MUCH! She's MY child though, which translates to being fancy, prissy and overall difficult, so of course she refused. I feel so bad for her future husband. Ahh well.

We stopped at a hotel and again, I tried to get out of the public restroom experience, so I asked my husband to take her. I'd like to believe I have a typical father-daughter relationship with The Most High. I whine and He aligns everything just right so that I'm forced to do what I'm supposed to do which is usually the thing I. Don't. Want. To. Do. It womps, but it's funny when I really think about it. Today, he aligned everything so that Rosie screamed, "Mommy, you gotta come!" Who can turn that down? I thought I was off scott free, but alas that would not be the case. I took her and surprisingly, or unsurprisingly depending on your experience with kids and your "just do it and get it over with " take on life, it was a pretty cool experience. I lined the toilet with tissue like my mom showed me to do almost 30 years ago and I sat her down. The restroom was fairly clean which totally helped. I sat her down and she handled her business and quickly hopped off. It was so fast I didn't get to tell her "don't touch anything. let me help you down." so, she touched the toilet and got her own pee on her hands. She swore up and down she didn't want to wash her hands (we're going through a phase where she "can't wanna" do anything; it's cute and annoying all at the same, but I won't complain; at least she's assertive about what she wants. Once she discovered the automatic soap dispenser she was taken aback. "Mommy, I gotta try it again!" lol. She attempted to play in the sink water. I caught her thinking about it, so I told her about the difference in personal restrooms and public ones, but I'm so sure she didn't give two cares. She was excited about putting her paper towel into the stepstool trashcan and I grabbed her hands, but her little foot popped open the trash can and the "delightful" smell of used feminine hygiene products slapped her right in the face lol. 

All in all I'd say this was a great visit to the restroom. Now, if I could just get my mama's girl Addi to stop screaming whenever she's left with her Dad and baby sister that'd be great. Poor thing cried the whole time we used the restroom. She's going through a drooling phase. Seriously, where does this crap come from? lol. Anywho, the public restroom didn't kill us, but I'm bringing a potty chair next time so she can use it in the car. I hate shared restrooms. Fight me!

4th trimester (newborn phase)

• An Infant Carrier: The Baby K'taan has helped tremendously in allowing me to keep up with the twins, cook dinner, wash dishes, and keep my infant close to me whenever we are out of the house. You'd be surprised how a newborn can make complete strangers forget all about personal space/boundaries. The carrier allows me to move freely while keeping my baby close. It also allows her to adjust to OUR daily routine. She is also able to smell me, nurse, and hear my heartbeat. She almost NEVER cries. I know some old school parents may say holding a baby all day spoils the baby. That is completely false. You can not spoil a newborn. My baby is adjusting to a new world and she needs my help. For 9 months she's smelled me, been nourished by me, heard all the sounds my body makes...she only knows ME. I am her guide to this strange new world and I just have to be patient. She will catch on eventually. Infant carrying also helps with postpartum anxiety and depression. A crying/screaming baby completely overwhelms me. Baby-wearing helps baby and me feel secure.

• Journaling helps me to categorize and sort through my thoughts. I'm able to problem solve quicker. It's also easier for me to notice patterns in my behavior, so I can adjust. It's calming. It allows my mind to stop racing. 

• Breastfeeding. Any amount of breast milk I can give to my baby is so worth it. It's economical, it's healthy, it's always sanitary, and I can sleep while nursing in the middle of the night. Since I can do it, I do it. If it proves to be too much for me I'll stop. A fed baby is most important.

• Recovery: I made sure to sleep during the 6-8 week recovery period. I napped every time my husband was able to supervise the Super Twins. I relaxed my standards on chores and it made for an easier transition to being a mom of 3. I really soaked up those early moments. Since I breastfed on cue, Ryian napped more during the day and spent a lot of the evening and overnight nursing. It's imperative not to sleep through any of the nighttime feedings because that's when milk supply increases. Growth spurts and cluster feedings are real and the only way to keep up with the demand is to nurse on demand.

• Light walking: Just like during pregnancy, light exercise is beneficial. It serves as a mood stabilizer and it's a decent form of exercise.The great thing about walking is I was able to begin this almost immediately. 

• Coconut oil can be used to prevent stretch marks and as a natural alternative to traditional lanolin nipple cream. Coconut oil has antibacterial properties, so it's really good at healing those cracked nipples in the first few weeks.

• Bedtime/Nighttime routine: During the newborn phase I don't force a schedule, however, just doing the same things every night before bedtime helped Ryian learn the difference between day time and night time. A lavender scented warm bath, a light massage with coconut oil, fresh diaper, warm pajamas, a nursing session and low lights works like a charm.

• Loose neck tops are the best for nursing. I layer a nursing tank under a loose neck top so I can nurse without having to keep up with a nursing cover. 

• If you're new to breastfeeding or if you're bottle-feeding after a cesarean a breastfeeding pillow works great. I used the pillow for a short time until I got my bearings with different positions. It's also really good to keep the baby off the sensitive scar area. 

• Prenatal vitamins don't stop after baby is born. The vitamins help me to keep some energy. When I forget to take them I can tell the difference. I'm sluggish, Ryian doesn't get full, and I don't have as many letdowns as I should. The same is true for water and rest. When I don't get enough of those two things I am a sight for sore eyes.

In the comments let me know some of your essentials for that critical 4th trimester.